i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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