There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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