I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
