I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
