guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
