He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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