I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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