We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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