I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
