she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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