My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
