last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
