the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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