Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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