Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
