i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
