Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize