Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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