Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
