i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
