Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
