hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize