Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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