Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
