My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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