it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
