nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
