I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
