My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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