I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
