it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
