I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
