You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
