NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
