This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
