why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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