I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
