I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
