It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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