i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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