fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
