Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
