I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
