I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
