he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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