great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
