The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
