I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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