i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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