reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
