Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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