so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How external is "for external use only"?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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