i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
