WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
