I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
