I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
