bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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