i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
