I am midnight drunk by noon
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
