i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My cat gives me a boner
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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