I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I am morally bankrupt
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
