Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
