there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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