I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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