I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize