under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
