come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
